Journal Diaries

Letters not send, #2

Dear Grandpa,

It’s been six years since you’ve gone away. We are all doing well and good with you overlooking all of us. As you may guess it there has been many hurdles over the past few years. Words said that had caused many of us to bleed, but it’s only stabbing words that hopefully we can all heal overtime. Grandma is still doing great and going strong. But she misses you more as each day passes. I haven’t actually talk to her on the phone for the past year as I am currently back in school and working part time at a retail stores. Working hard toward my dream and career to make you proud in heaven.

Cheng and Maika had graduated high school. Cheng graduated last year and Maika this year. Next year will be May and Yupheng. And I know that you will lead them along the plenty younger ones to a bright future as you have with us older threes. Well, Mong finally found a job and has been teaching for the past 2 years. She complains times to times but I just finally learnt to deal with it. It is after all a stressful job to deal with kids eight hours a day and then coming back home to deal with stubborn teenagers. Even I find it hard coming home after work dealing with rude customers sometimes. But a job is a job.

You know, all these times I find it hard to forgive you and grandma for leaving us. You were not healthy when you left and no one knew when you were going to leave. I was still in my dorm, my freshmen year, when I had a phone call to only learn of you passing away. It was only a week before my final exams of fall semester. I had a dramatic fall semester my freshmen year. For a moment, a long moment, I hated you and grandma for leaving us. But after opening up to my close friends, and searching for a long answer that I will probably never received from you. I finally accept it that I care about you two all along. I didn’t want you guys to go scaring that I may lose you both forever and never had a chance to say goodbye or thank you for all you guys have done. The strength and the courage you and grandma give us are different than all the grandparents of my friends that I know. And it makes you both special.

When you left this world, I regretted that you left us with nothing to remember by except memories, both the good and bad. But then one day as I was sitting with my classmates and talking about names. I told them about how I got the nick name Kiki. I was only a toddler that didn’t want to listen when any elders called out my name, Mai Kou. And you got upset over that and just started to say a name joke with my name calling me Kiki, and I responded just with a teasing smile. And ever since then, I became the Kiki that everyone now knows. And am still the same Kiki.

It was you who gave each us, your grandchildren, our nick names. And nothing can ever replace the nick names you give us, well besides our birth name of course. But there are no other fitting nick names for us and no more precious gifts than the nick names you gave us. And the times we spent with you were more than enough.  And though, I may not be able to send you this letter, one day I will visit where you are laid down and tell you about all the good things along with all the bad things that has happened since you gone away.

And I know that you close to us, closer than ever protecting us from above.

Love your one and only,


1 thought on “Letters not send, #2”

  1. Wow! I can’t believe I have been away for this long and totally forgot about your posts. I sincerely apologize for being away for so long! I’ll also share a letter not sent as well.

    Letter Not Send, #2

    Dear Uncle,

    It has been six years since you passed in 2011. It has been very tragic for the family to lose you after your brother recently passed away. Two deaths within a few weeks; your death following after your brother’s funeral in California. It is most unfortunate and grieving. We will always remember this moment.

    Your sons are doing well with the exception of one, who is an addict gambler. All of them are living on their own except for the gambler. Your grandchildren are growing day by day. Your grandson and granddaughter have been married but are now divorced. I just think that if you had been here, maybe things would have been different. You would have been happy to see them marry and bless them a happy and successful marriage. Nonetheless, both of them are welcomed back even if their marriages have ended. Family will be there no matter what. There are still many grandsons and granddaughters who have not been married yet. Here I am looking forward to those days.

    My memories of you are not frequent but you have always been a family man, helping out one and another firsthand especially the “kwv tij.” Even though you are no longer here, we’ll do whatever we can to enjoy life and stay happy and healthy. Maybe one day we will meet again? Until that day, I wish both of us well!



    Thank you MaiMai for a splendid post! Now that you’ve explained it, I realize what your grandpa meant by “Kiki” because it sounds like “khib khib” such as in a kid “khib dwb.” Amusing! HAAHAHAHHA! Please don’t take any offense, but if you do, I sincerely apologize and am sorry. 🙂

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