Letters not Send, #1

Dear Mao,

Once a upon a time we were friends. I remember the first day you moved and started school with us. You had no one. No one wanted to be your friends, but since I already knew you when you moved I became your friend and soon you joined our group of friends. Forever friends we were, or at least we thought. For moment, I just thought of how short our friendship lasted, barely made it through middle school. Actually, it didn’t even made it through middle school.

I thought amongst to myself that even though, other girls of our group of friends didn’t like me any longer and couldn’t accept me for who I am. I thought at least I had you. I thought you had my back like how I always had yours. I was wrong. For the longest time I hated you. I hated you because you turned your back against me when I did nothing wrong against you. I hated you because you left me without ever thinking if you hurt my feelings. I hated you because you hated me for no reasons but to just hate me like almost every other girls that hated me.

For a long time I questioned myself why and what I did wrong. But I couldn’t find no other answer other than I chose the wrong friends. I wanted to be like, I wanted to fit in but I couldn’t.

Since then I ignored you. Even when I see you I on the road or in the store I make a detour. And I know it sounds childish, but that was how much I hated you. I didn’t, no, I couldn’t stand the sight of your face. I wanted you to know, to feel the same pain I felt. And everyday I cursed that one day you will face the same day. But I know that you won’t go through the same I went through.

Years went by and I just accept the fact of everything that happened. Accepting it as my karma from past misdeeds or even living a damn horrible past life. And I don’t even believe in past lives. But, I forgive you and myself.

While you’re starting the next chapter of your life, I’m also rewriting my life. And, still I can’t face you yet because it’s awkward, but I do hope that one day we’ll just be able to sit and talk face to face. And let bygones be bygones.

And though, I can’t bring myself to tell you. I’m happy for you and your accomplishments. I’m proud of the woman you became. I only wish the best for your future endeavors.

You will never see this letter because you will never receive it. I can only hope that one day you accidentally discover my blog and find this letter. If not, it’s okay because I don’t wish for much but that you are happy.

Sincerely,
MaiMai