Journal Diaries

Abandoned Canoe


Dear Readers,

Lately a lot of things have been stressing me out. Such as searching for graduate schools, what I want to study, looking for more jobs, students loans, bills, and maintaining relationships. Recently, my life has been a roller coasters and I just wish that I can hypnotized myself to forget these short comings. Some of my friends have been being a pain in the butt. I’m not going to go into all the details, but what I will say is that sometimes it is best to become acquaintances. Due to stress and family pressure I haven’t been able to enjoy eating my three full meals, but I also still haven’t notice any weight loss at all. What a coincidence?

Today, I decided to paint away some of stress. I haven’t painted in a such a long time. And I mean a long time. The last I painted was way back in high school during my sophomore year which was like 2007-08. Most of the time I already have a blueprint of what I wanted to paint. Then there are times when I don’t and just start painting whatever. Today was one of those less planned out day. I don’t know about you but sometimes it’s hard for me to express my feelings so I rather just paint it out when I feel cornered by the world. Through painting it helps express my feelings and sometimes I might not even noticed it until a friend or someone close mentioned it. After, I was done painting I posted a picture of it on my Facebook to share with my friends. And I realized how bad my painting skills has downgraded, but oh well my hands shall gain back its skills.

fb pic One of my friend and roommate for 2 years in college, plus suite-mate for our senior year asked me “What happened to the person riding the canoe”? That was when it hit me that I didn’t paint a person. I joked back by replying “It’s an abandoned boat.” While earlier another posted “Looks like a shipwrecked to me. Although, I don’t see a ship on my own painting I do have to admit that these past few days I have been feeling like a wreck. Anyway, hours later I realized that I have painted nothing else but my own feeling, the abandoned canoe. These few days I feel so lost and hopeless. Plus, it’s not helping that the weather in Hickory, North Carolina has been so gloomy and nasty.

There are times when I asked myself “how much longer to I have to endure this lonely journey?” and “how much longer do I need to find sacrifices and hope”? Remember that saying “No Pain No Gain”? Sometimes I just want to prove it wrong so bad that you can gain a lot or at least some without having to hurt yourself/others and sacrificing whatever it is that you need to let go to reach success.

I do not own this picture. You can find the picture at the following link:
I do not own this picture. You can find the picture at the following link:

Simply put, I am a simple minded person according to many of my cousins and friends. A simple minded person with lots and deep thought that is. And all I ever want for my future is to live a simple life, but that’s true good to be true. As we all already knows it’s obstacle after obstacle. And there are times that we feel lost or abandoned, whatever the feelings are that brought us down there ought to be emotions that makes us rise again like the sun.

2 thoughts on “Abandoned Canoe”

  1. I love you MAI. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I feel the same way too. I’ve heard we have to search deep within us to look for What we are intending to be. According to a dear friend transitioning is never easy but necessary. In order to do so small steps are to be made. At the end of the day we are our mother’s and father’s child but we must find our own calling. We must seek who we truly are. The dreams within your soul nobody knows. Let them be heard to give you courage and tenacity to go far and high. Just like you believe in me. I believe in you

    1. Hi Brenda, it’s great to hear from you! Thank you for your words. I’m really hanging on tight here and I hope you’re doing great as well.

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