Journal Diaries

We Were Friends

There was a time when we were close, when we were all close. We had fun everyday, in fact that was the only reason why we, well in fact any student, would go to school. There were friends and we had friends. However, I guess maybe we were not meant to be friends for life. Just temporary friends that played a major part in our lives. Yes, you, and her, and her, and many other more played a major part in my life. And I hope I played a major part in your life as well.

Maybe we were too foolish and fill with so much pride that we let drama torn us apart. Why did we let that happened? I don’t even know, and I always hate saying that “I was always in the middle because I never knew what happened.” And in fact I get angry each time I said this, because it’s partially true. I never knew for the most part what really happened. In fact, I was the less popular girl among all of us. Only had a few friends here and there to hang out with. And you all were once part of my friends until drama has to be dragged in. There were plenty of times when I indeed felt left out, but I never cared so much about because we were friends.

There are days I look back through school year book and memories come floating right back in. I realized that you weren’t a bad friend after all, although I couldn’t understand some of your actions at times. There were times I felt like you only wanted to hang out with me because you had drama going on with the other girls. However, I then realized that its because I respected you and I was never really part of the drama. That is until I started hanging out with groups equally, but then there were still times I was outcasted…so maybe you and them were busy backstabbing each other in the back.
And I of course got tired of the drama, and slowly step by step I build a wall against. Bet you never knew the reason and probably thought I just didn’t like you anymore, huh?

Actually, when I received your wedding invitation via mail, email, or Facebook. I did wanted to attend, but you know what it was just to awkward for me. Seriously, we didn’t talk for years and how could I all o a sudden just show up at your wedding? We never made up. And tonight I’m thinking to myself if only I had said what I wanted I said back then all along maybe things wouldn’t turn out the way it is today. I should have just told all of you in the face “We’re all minorities that needs to learn how to respect and love each other. So stop all your crappy drama and just apologize to each other. For once, just respect each other.” Guess what? I told myself I would just received more hate than ever.

A few years ago, spring 2012, while I was sitting in my dorm late at night while my roommate had left home. I finally threw away that piece of shitty and dirty paper. The piece of paper that I had turned out from these “memo books” that these Asian girls were busy passing around to one another. And it just so happened that one of my friend had to have me someone’s memo book, so I took it without knowing what the hell it was. Plus, she lived across the road so I could just give it to her. In fact, if I remember correctly it was probably her. There was this section in these memo books that would have all these other Asian girls’ names on separate pages and the title of the section was “what do you think about these people?”

Mine page was full of crap. Other girls writing down “she’s a bitch who has no pride to her Hmong people,” “fuck her to hell,” “I hate her,” “bitch,” “wanna killed her,” etc. I tear that stupid shitty paper out and kept i with me for almost eight years. Why? Because I was hurt by these damns stupid girls who didn’t even know one little single truth about me. I was hurt and I so wanted to write on all the other pages the same things, but I didn’t. And now I don’t regret that decision.

That night on spring 2012, I finally took it out, crunched it up and toss it in the trash. That piece of shitty paper had became a piece of crap taking space on my desk and in my drawers. And I needed more space for my textbooks and notes.

Even after all the drama that we all went through, even today I still believe and say that you were a good friend. No matter how we ended our terms and how much we caused pain to one another directly and indirectly.

You’re probably wondering why I’m saying you’re a good friend. And that’s because thanks to you I’ve become a newer person. In the past I was timid being with all of you since you were all way too popular above my ordinary self. However, because of all the drama that I went through whether or not there was dragging or no dragging. I’ve become a bolder friend as soon as I enter high school. I wasn’t afraid to be outspoken with my new group of friends, that we still once in a very long while keep in touch. I was actually being my true self letting them know my likes and dislikes. It was as if I grew ten levels in one summer.

And when I see all of your pictures over your SNS account, I can’t help but smile knowing that you’re happy with your life and family. I can’t help but to smile when I see a new family member added to yours. I realize that you, me, her, all of us have finally mature. And the best thing is that we can still greet each other with with warm words and a smile when we once in a while bump into each other.
You, her, and her, all of you ladies are good friends to me as you make me realized we once shared a laughter and because of that one single laughter I can actually let go. Took me a while to be get there, but I definitely grew a lot and I can tell that the same happened to you, well hopefully it did.

Not everyone will become friends for life, but every friends played important roles. And if you’re reading this right now I’m just letting you know you sure did played a major role in life.

Also, if you’re wondering “what’s up all the profanity” and “why are writing this now”? Well it’s because I’ve been having a stressful day and I feel like I’m going die soon due to all keeping things inside of me. So I decided to vent some things out on my not so personal blog.

And note to my readers, never keep piling things inside yourself especially not for eight or so years.

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